Taking the fear out of mate selection

 Young people these days worry about choosing the right partner which can take the fun out of dating. However, Lance Wickman discusses five ways to build you confidence that you're choosing the right partner. He also discusses specific fears and anxieties related to marriage decision. He says:

"One of the most significant confidence tests of mortality is usually faced in the young-adult season of life. It is the decision to marry. No decision is approached with greater trepidation by this generation of young adults. It is a subject that provokes much anxiety."

Fears about Marriage

• Ease of hanging out. Many young people take themselves “out of the game” in finding the right companion by doing too much of their socializing in groups. Because this hanging out occurs in mixed groups with males and females, some mistakenly think that they are properly engaged in the sifting process so essential to finding one’s eternal companion. But this is not so. Group socializing can deny a person the opportunity of the close examination of the character and personality of that special someone so vital to making a wise choice.

• Fear of making a mistake. Divorce statistics are well known. Some young people have lived through the heartache of seeing their parents’ or friends’ marriages fail or have been through divorce themselves. They have experienced exquisitely the trauma associated with such breakups. Sometimes, the effect is to make them afraid to approach marriage lest they choose the wrong person.

• Adolescent recoiling from responsibility. At least for a few, there is a reluctance to meld one’s desires and interests to those of another. Such selfishness has a way of prompting some to postpone the marriage decision.

I know for myself I have struggled with these same thoughts and situations which made me hesitant to even try to meet someone. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves and others to create the "perfect dating experience" or " perfect partner" when in reality there is no perfect partner or perfect dating experience.

So, ways we can feel more confident in choosing the partner is 1. pray about it. 2. use your own judgement.3 seek counsel from your leaders or trusted individuals. 4. discuss your fears and expectations with your partner.

"Each of us faces an uncertain future. But when we face it, remembering what we already know, we face it with faith. We face it with good cheer. We face it with confidence."

Confidence Tests

From Fear to Faith in the Marriage Decision

By Elder Lance B. Wickman

Of the Seventy