Developing Strong Parenting practices within the home.

 It can be daunting to parents to know just how to raise their children. What is the right method? What steps should they take? What parenting style is the best? How can we figure out our parenting style?

All these questions can bring fear and anxiety to anyone looking to starting a family or those already in the thick of parenting. However, the lord is there to reassure us that we can develop the skills necessary to raise our children with faith and righteousness.

First and foremost, what are the parenting styles people keep talking about? Young couples just starting out wouldn't know their parenting style since they haven't had children yet. So, it's helpful to study these styles before having children.

The four main parenting styles are authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, and neglectful. 

Authoritarian 

Parents have high expectations and strict rules

Parents may respond with criticism, anger, or punishment if a child disappoints them

This style is sometimes called "tough love"

Authoritative 

Parents can punish children when needed, but also provide feedback to help correct behavior

This style is often called the "best" parenting style because it's flexible and sets children up for good communication

Permissive

Parents are more indulgent and lenient with discipline 

Parents emphasize nurturing and allowing children to have a high degree of freedom and autonomy 

Parents want their kids to enjoy their childhood 

Neglectful 

Parents provide basic needs for the child, such as shelter, clothing, and food

Parents do not set expectations for social or academic behaviors

Parents do not support or validate a child's emotions, relationships, and self-esteem

I know for me studying these parenting styles left me discouraged and confused on how which one is the "best" style for they all seem pretty negative and depressing. However, it's good to know what to avoid and find better ways to connect with your children. That is where the lord comes in for with his guidance there can be peace and harmony in the home between parents and children.

"Righteous parenting emphasizes charity, gentleness, kindness, long-suffering, persuasion, and appropriate discipline in a warm and nurturing relationship (D&C 121:39–46). It invites children to adopt the parent’s perspective on many issues. By contrast, unrighteous dominion centers on coercion, dominion, and compulsion “upon the souls of the children of men” (D&C 121:36–37). 

, “I will here say to parents, that kind words and loving actions toward children will subdue their uneducated nature a great deal better than the rod, or, in other words, than physical punishment.” President Gordon B. Hinckley (1994, p. 53) 

Staying patient and solving problems without fighting and contention creates a safe atmosphere for children to come to their parents with their concerns knowing they won't be judged or criticized. It also brings the couple together as well for they are working as a team with the same goal in mind and are appreciative of each other's efforts. For its all a learning experience for the parents and the children. As time go by you figure out what works and what doesn't. 

The lord will guide his children in the right way. So, relying on his guidance parents can find peace and comfort in building their family which can be very daunting and scary. So don't be discouraged you will do what is best for your family and the lord will support your efforts.

 For those who would like to see what their future parenting style can take the test at this website

Parenting Quiz - Active Parenting

Resources: Google.com

Eds., A.J.H.D.C.D.T.W. D. ([Insert Year of Publication]). Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives.

Equal Partnership between Men and Women in Families

 "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

In today's world the role between father and mother have been highly debated. For the reality is in today's world both parents work or in the case of single parent families both the father and mother are working outside of the home. Some parents feel guilty for having to work or are shamed by others for not meeting the "perfect" family standard with one parent at home with the children.

However, the lord loves all his children and provides opportunities and doctrine to help strengthen family bonds. For in the eyes of the lord both father and mother are equal partners in nurturing and building their families. The lord also helps us realize not every family's needs are the same so its ok if your family dynamic is different from other families.

Family stewardships should be understood in terms of their responsibilities—obligations to one’s spouse, not power over one’s spouse. As we noted above, according to the Hebrew translation, Genesis 3:16 is more accurately understood to mean Adam “ruling with,” not “ruling over” Eve. President Hunter said: “The Lord intended that the wife be . . . a companion equal and necessary in full partnership. For a man to operate independent of or without regard to the feelings and counsel of his wife in governing the family is to exercise unrighteous dominion”

So, what can we do to help spouses nurture that love and respect for each other in their specific family roles?

1. Have family council to discuss concerns or expectations in family life

2, Set time aside as a couple to focus on each other.

3. Have new year priesthood blessings for the children and spouses.

4. Seek counsel from trusted leaders 

5. Study the family proclamation as a couple and make goals to apply its doctrines.

"The doctrine of equal partnership in marriage points powerfully and gloriously to truth. Thus, it should not surprise us that social science research, even with its limitations, confirms the importance and benefits of equal partnership in marital and family relationships."

Equal partnership in marriage is both spouses working together for the betterment of their family and marriage relationship. I watched my grandparents work hard to be good parents and grandparents while respecting each other's efforts. Both of my grandparents worked outside of the home and more often than not my grandfather would be doing the household chores after he got home from work while grandmother worked late. Later on, when my grandfather retired, he took care of the bills, helped grandmother grade papers.

I never saw them fight or complain they simply dd what needed to be done for the harmony of the home. It was the same with my aunts and uncles' marriages for again both partners worked. Of course, looking on the outside you don't see the under tones or struggles they go through but when the couple has genuine love and respect for each other they don't let those struggles define their relationship.

Seeking the lords will and counsel will guide parents on what is right for their family bringing comfort and peace in these trying times. For the lord will never lead his children astray. So, if your family life looks different than what you had imagine take heart knowing the lord is loving and supporting you in all you do.

Resources

Eds., A.J.H.D.C.D.T.W. D. ([Insert Year of Publication]). Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. BYU Bookstore Publishing Services. https://byui.vitalsource.com/books/9780842528030

Taking the fear out of mate selection

 Young people these days worry about choosing the right partner which can take the fun out of dating. However, Lance Wickman discusses five ways to build you confidence that you're choosing the right partner. He also discusses specific fears and anxieties related to marriage decision. He says:

"One of the most significant confidence tests of mortality is usually faced in the young-adult season of life. It is the decision to marry. No decision is approached with greater trepidation by this generation of young adults. It is a subject that provokes much anxiety."

Fears about Marriage

• Ease of hanging out. Many young people take themselves “out of the game” in finding the right companion by doing too much of their socializing in groups. Because this hanging out occurs in mixed groups with males and females, some mistakenly think that they are properly engaged in the sifting process so essential to finding one’s eternal companion. But this is not so. Group socializing can deny a person the opportunity of the close examination of the character and personality of that special someone so vital to making a wise choice.

• Fear of making a mistake. Divorce statistics are well known. Some young people have lived through the heartache of seeing their parents’ or friends’ marriages fail or have been through divorce themselves. They have experienced exquisitely the trauma associated with such breakups. Sometimes, the effect is to make them afraid to approach marriage lest they choose the wrong person.

• Adolescent recoiling from responsibility. At least for a few, there is a reluctance to meld one’s desires and interests to those of another. Such selfishness has a way of prompting some to postpone the marriage decision.

I know for myself I have struggled with these same thoughts and situations which made me hesitant to even try to meet someone. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves and others to create the "perfect dating experience" or " perfect partner" when in reality there is no perfect partner or perfect dating experience.

So, ways we can feel more confident in choosing the partner is 1. pray about it. 2. use your own judgement.3 seek counsel from your leaders or trusted individuals. 4. discuss your fears and expectations with your partner.

"Each of us faces an uncertain future. But when we face it, remembering what we already know, we face it with faith. We face it with good cheer. We face it with confidence."

Confidence Tests

From Fear to Faith in the Marriage Decision

By Elder Lance B. Wickman

Of the Seventy

Honoring Marital vows with completer Fidelty, Exploring our divine sexuality.

 .” Rabbi Shuley Boteach (1999, p. 55) identified physical intimacy of a husband and wife as something that symbolizes the tie between God and all of His creations. He stated that it is because of this symbolism “that Judaism has always identified sex as the most holy of all human endeavors.”

Sexual intimacy is . . . symbolic of a union between mortals and deity, between otherwise ordinary and fallible humans uniting for a rare and special moment with God himself and all the powers by which he gives life in this wide universe of ours. . . "

As a single person is it ok to study and explore our sexuality? or just wait until marriage?

how can we as parents and guardians better educate our youth on healthy sexuality? 

how can we overcome our own bias's regarding sexuality?

Well as a single person I have gone back and forth in studying sexuality for in my mind that was for marriage. However, married or not we need to understand the lords' teachings on sexuality so we can teach the youth. I also feel it's best to enter marriage as prepared as possible and that includes sex education. I feel sex is a topic people have a hard time talking about i know for me growing up it wasn't discussed unless I had questions. I think we need create a safe and open dialogue where parents can talk to their children regarding sex. 

For if we don't teach our children about sex, they will hear it from someone else.

 A.J.H.D.C.D.T.W. D. ([Insert Year of Publication]). Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. BYU Bookstore Publishing Services.